Tuesday, October 7, 2008

One Of THOSE Days

It's been one of THOSE days. The kind of day when I think to myself, "someone better give me some prozac and my kids some ritalin or somebody's gonna die." I think I have had more meltdowns today than my kids have.

Someone in the customer service department for Paypal debit cards might be wishing right now that he had called in sick today. They made a mistake and cancelled my Paypal debit card leaving me without what little spending money I had from selling on ebay until it can be worked out (which could take 2-4 weeks.) Even though it was a company error, "reversing the cancellation is not an option." After a very frustrating conversation, I hung up the phone and bawled.

I put some clothes in a community consignment sale this week. I had to go over there this evening with all three kids in tow (Josh was at school.) Okay so, my kids were pretty awful. Emma kept pushing the stroller into other people. Jackson threw his Hot Wheel Car at some kid. And Leah decided that she was not going to sit in the stroller. When I tried to make her, she proceeded to scream for an extended period of time. Now, this place is filled with moms who you think would be pretty understanding of cranky toddlers. But, I could feel the looks from other moms burning into my back. I even caught one mom rolling her eyes at my kids when I turned my head. One lady working there sneered at me and asked me if I could make sure my son did not unplug her computer as she quickly processed my things. Then Leah spilled her water bottle all over the floor as we were leaving. On top of it all, I am mad at myself for how I handled it all. I got frazzled. I became angry with my kids. I was short with friends and acquaintances that I ran into because of my mood and frustration. I wouldn't have any idea why, but it all got to me. When we got to the car, again, tears.

I've been reading a blog called We Are THAT Family, which has a picture of a screaming toddler and a sink full of dishes next to the title. When I first saw it I thought, "that's funny, I thought we were THAT family.

I want so desperately to have it all together. I want to be a good mom. I want to be able to get my children to behave. I want to be a good steward of my money. I want to have a clean house. I want be a good "pastor's wife." And on, and on.

Between unruly children, too little time and an economy that has taken a toll on our family, I am failing miserably. (I am actually sitting here watching the presidential debate, listening to each candidates plan for improving the economy, not having much faith in either of them.)

I am a pretty prideful person so I hope you hear my desperate heart here when I say I...we could use your prayers.

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you.

For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."

Isaiah 43:1b-3a

Now, I am going to go eat some chocolate.


Renee said...

Ya'll are in our prayers girlfriend. PS - chocolate always helps me too...especially if it is in ice cream ;)
Love ya, Renee

Valarie said...

I just have to say you are both wonderful parents. I feel the same way, I feel like I can't take my kids anywhere and two of the instigaters (sp) are 14 and 18 you would think they knew better. It does get better. Just remember all the times of frustration are not what you are going to remember about them when they get older, and they get older so much quicker than you really want.

I love reading Kristens site, she is one of my favorites. Read her post about the super glue, it might make you feel better. :)

samantha.sapp said...

you make me smile=) and so does chocolate.

and just so you know, you're an amazing mom.

as always, you guys are in my prayers. we miss you all so much.

Lisa said...

Courtney, You must be my sister from another mister! Your list of "I wants" could have been written by me. I want to be a better mother, wife, housekeeper, organizer, friend, sister, daughter, niece, cousin, neighbor, christian, cook, photographer, etc. It frustrates the devil out of me when I can't seem to get it all right. Heck! Most times, I can't seem to get ANY of it right. I guess if we had it all together, we wouln't need a Savior would we? Thank the Lord that he loves us just like we are.