I always knew, even before we started trying to have children, that it would be difficult for us. I don't know how I knew. I just did. I think maybe because I wanted to be a mommy so badly that I was scared that it wouldn't happen.
So, you can imagine my torture when we tried for over a year for our first child. At that time, I didn't know that God would eventually bless us with many children. All I knew is that I wanted a baby now and it wasn't happening. I knew that I would love to adopt, but a part of me would always feel a little sad for not experiencing the pregnancy and birth process. I prayed and prayed for God to give us a baby.
When I took a pregnancy test that finally came back positive, I remember jumping up and down and screaming like a crazy person in my bathroom. (We lived in an apartment so I'm sure the neighbors were wondering)
I was so in love with Emma. I remember sitting with her in my bedroom, tears streaming down my face because I thought my heart was going to burst open. I was overwhelmed by the feeling of wanting to protect her from all things harmful and knowing I couldn't.
Later, when we decided to try to add to our family, again, it was taking longer than I wanted. After a year, I decided to take matters into my own hands instead of waiting on the all-knowing God. I went through two rounds of fertility drugs. On the second round, we got pregnant. At seven weeks, we lost the baby. I was devastated. I knew that I had already been incredibly blessed with Emma, but I had always wanted a large family and wasn't sure that I would get it.
Amazingly, the very next month, we got pregnant with Jackson and I cannot imagine life without him. Of course, I was scared for a long time that I would have another miscarriage but, as you know, Jackson is still here, very active and full of love!
Our Family Grows
You know I love you guys when I am showing you these pictures of myself. No make-up, plus lots of swelling, equals a not so cute, Courtney. I digress.
After trying for so long with the first two, I resigned myself to the fact that I just did not get pregnant easily and was therefore a little lax on my birth control efforts.
What a surprise, when Jackson was only 10 months old and I found out that Leah was on the way. Of course, I was a little apprehensive about having two babies in the house, but, I was awestruck. I was taken by God's love and faithfullness. I felt like my cup was running over...and over and over. Leah has come into our lives and brought such joy. She loves to laugh and is always so happy to see you, she gives the best welcome homes.
When I think back at how desperate I felt before I knew that God would answer my prayers... and now see my three answered prayers.... my heart is full... and then some.
I admit to being bitten by the "baby bug" recently (yes, I might be certifiable) but whether God chooses to give us another or not, I have been blessed beyond measure already.
Thinking back over this has reminded me of a great story. When Leah was born, Jackson was only about 19 months old. He was still a baby himself. He understandably was not thrilled with this new little creature stealing the show. For the first few months, he would not even look at Leah.
Eventually, one day Jackson finally started to turn his attention to Leah. He bent over with lips puckered to give her a kiss. We were all on the edge of our seats as we watched, anticipating this break-through moment. Just as their lips touched, Leah spit-up. I'm talking projectile, all over Jackson's face. Priceless. Needless to say, we were back to square one. Lol.
Today, Jackson and Leah are inseperable. They spend a lot of time together, just the two of them while Emma is in school. They are best friends.
Today, Emma is a bright young lady who has a heart to be good, does well in school and makes friends easily.
Blessed I tell ya......very blessed.
Thank you, God, for answering my prayers.
My Cup Runneth Over.